Love letter to a friend…

Ugh. here it comes again Valentine’s Day! I want to stomp and curse a little and  say “what a stupid material holiday”….but I can’t I’m a huge romantic.  I actually want a house full of colourful flowers and balloons.  Does that surprise some of you? Nothing worse than being SINGLE &  romantic on Valentine’s Day. Boo!  For those of you just getting to know me (my moavocadom calls you my modern day pen-pals) I’m a pretty savvy independent gal.  Extremely, artsy and a techie geek who loves to try/learn new things. (Is this starting to sound like Plenty of Fish personal ad? haha I’ll stop while I’m ahead)  but you get the idea!  I’m not a delicate wildflower.  I do have a kind and generous heart that loves to love.  And make yummy things for my awesome friends –>

I came across a quote today on twitter that really struck a chord with me. “The longer you hide your feelings for someone, the more you fall for them.”  

Yikes! Universe what are you trying to say?!!!  I was…who am I kidding I am in love with a guy. Every man I’ve dated  has been compared to him. He isn’t perfect, often drives me crazy but in the quiet moments with him I feel whole.  It’s especially in those moments that I’ve wished he would simply take my hand and bloody kiss me already! ( I know,  I KNOW I’m a feminist why don’t I do it!)  If you met my bubbly self you’d think I wasn’t a chicken but when it comes to love I’M A HUGE CHICKEN!chicken   I had my heart broken a while back — haven’t we all!  Its left this outgoing, adventurous go-getter a little timid, when it comes to matters of the heart.  I think many of us have been in this place at one time or another.  At least I don’t think I’m alone on this island. (there’s brownies here so come visit)  It is that place where you love someone but they may not love you back. Or you keep expecting a different result and just end up torturing myself silently(or not so silently– thank god for girlfriends). 

The running dialog in my head; “Am I not pretty enough?(I’m pretty cute!),  Do I need to be model slim? (haha screw that!@#%), Do I snore? (yep a little),  Am I not witty enough? (read above),  Is he just scared to jump in? (do it and I’ll catch you), or  Is it just time to let go?(more than likely).  Wow, how’s that for candid?

I’m here at the crossroads hitting a major milestone this year..40 really is looming in the not so distant future.  So, this love letter to my friend is as close as I can take it…I wish we could just have a frank and open conversation.  It would hurt less if I could hear your heart no matter the answer.  I’d really hate to lose what we have as friends but we deserve the more.  OK,  guts spilled! (enough for here anyway)

Now on to the HAPPY gushy stuff it’s Valentine’s Day after all!

I want to say to my amazing sister Joy and her partner Rob:I adore you both so much! Rob, the way you love my sister warms my heart. Richard (Dad) and Mom: I love how you laugh and simply enjoy each other’s company. The love you have is based on a respect and joyful youthfulness.  That even in your 60′s  your not afraid to try new things. You inspire me more often than you know. Megan and Stephanie: Your partnership through thick and thin and all the challenges brings tears to my eyes. Stephanie, thank you being such a beautiful woman in my sister’s life. Bev and Mike: I love how you have take on life with such exuberance and togetherness.  Your laughter is contagious!  Aunt Kathaleen & Uncle Richard: I will always be grateful for my time in your home as a young woman. Kathaleen, you showed me that you can be an educated, witty and feminine woman, mother and partner.  And Richard, that it’s good to challenge, support and  laugh and love with an open heart. Robin & Peter: For loving each other with pure hearts.  And being each other’s balance in this crazy world. For all these lovers thank you. Love, comes in many different forms I admire all of  you for your strength and diversity.  And I know there have been tough times. But you stuck through it together.  Being a witness to your love has allowed me to grow as a human being.  Happy Valentine’s Day Sweethearts!   Sweetheart Fudgy Avocado Brownies Sweethearts! Fudgy Avocado Brownies  I’ve had this recipe pinned forever!!! (self diagnosed Pinterest addict) I adapted the recipe only slightly from one of my favorite bloggers.  Seriously,  go check her out she’s hilarious –  Jessica from How Sweet It Is!  Since, I adapted only slightly I’ve linked directly over to her site.  I would only make a few changes –maybe a little less white sugar, and since I am ACTUALLY not a huge dark chocolate fan. I might try it next time with milk chocolate or even white chocolate.  BUT THESE ARE FREAKING AMAZzzzing! I grabbed my cookie cutters and cut half the pan into little heart shaped brownie bites for all the chocolate lovers in my life. I also added a table spoon of maple syrup to the icing and a few pinches of cinnamon to the batter. Happy Valentine’s Day!  And if your single eat the whole pan  with a fork I won’t tell a soul!